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Continue Living, Choose to Keep Going

Continue Living, Choose to Keep Going

Where do I begin?  How do I even talk about this subject?  I know that is the reason why I must.  It is one of those taboo subjects that is whispered about in corners with shocked and disappointed looks.  Until someone you know and love decides to end their own life and it leaves you devastated, heartbroken and lost and suddenly the word suicide is tattooed in your brain and it becomes a part of YOUR life.

I could think of nothing else.  It was the nightmare I couldn't awake from.  How could someone I loved and cared about feel like they didn't want to live anymore and actually take the actions to end their own life?  Did I fail?  How did I not see it?  What could I have done differently to prevent it?  How could they be so selfish and not realize what the aftermath would be?  Was it really selfishness or were they just in a place so dark that they couldn't climb out by themselves?  How do I mourn and be angry at someone in the same minute?  How could anyone get into a place in their head that not living is an answer?  How is life ever the same?  These thoughts plague me and still catch me off guard and leave me in pieces some days.

As I later read the suicide note, I was surprised about how much responsibility my loved one was taking in what he was about to do.  I have been puzzled about how a person can get to that place.  I guess those are the questions… aren't they?  How?  Why?  I have started to realize there isn't really just one answer.  There are many.  Whether it be clinical depression, situational depression, anxiety, a broken heart, fear, pain or confusion - it is all hard.  Life can be hard, but there is ALWAYS help.  I wish my loved one would have realized that.  I remember what I was doing the night he was alone writing his letter and ending his life.  The thought takes my breathe away.  I wish so bad he would have picked up the phone and called me!  I would have done anything I could to help him!  I wish I could have been there that day to tell him…

“…cont;nue living, choose to keep go;ng...”

Just one more day... and then when that day is done to go one more day...to not give up!   I wish I could have stayed there by his side and helped him while he waded through those tough emotions and offered him hope.

Awareness needs to be brought to this subject.  It needs to be talked about OUT LOUD!  Even now as I write this, I am being careful about how much I disclose so I can protect his family.  If this wasn't such a taboo subject, then maybe more deaths could be prevented.  More people need to realize there is help, there are resources, and it is okay to ask for that help.  There is always people that care, more than you can even realize. 

I have designed a piece of jewelry in honor of my loved one and his family.  You will see it later this month. A portion of every sale will be donated to ‘Project Semicolon’.  The semicolon helps a sentence not to end but to keep it going.  It is a symbol to help remind people to remember that their story isn’t over.  In this experience of losing him, I have realized the subject of suicide needs more light, more awareness.  I hope this piece I have designed will help do that. 

I have thought of my loved one throughout the design process.  I hope he is pleased with what I have designed for him.  I pray that maybe it can give someone hope and help them choose to keep go;ng, because their story needs to cont;nue.  Every life counts! 

-Robyn

https://projectsemicolon.com/

Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255

~ Dedicated to those we have lost and those who have been left behind. ~

Comments on this post (16)

  • Oct 02, 2017

    Hallo Robyn,

    ich schreibe dir aus Hamburg, Deutschland!
    Meine Gedanken sind ganz bei dir!
    Ich selbst bin jemand, der sich mit diesen dunklen Gedanken herum schlägt. Keine Menschenseele kann einem da helfen. Das kann man nur allein! Du als “Zuschauer” kannst nur da sein mit deiner Liebe und Beistand!

    In Liebe und herzliche Grüße
    Jana

    — Jana Mißfeldt-Baumann

  • Sep 11, 2017

    So sorry for your loss of your loved one. Suicide and overdosing seem to be the leading causes of death lately. You are in my prayers!

    — Denise

  • Sep 11, 2017

    I’m so sorry for your loss Robyn. What a painful and helpless situation. Bless you for sharing and for doing something to bring awareness. Praying for your peace and comfort.

    — Lori Palermo

  • Sep 10, 2017

    Your words are perfect, and beautiful, and heartbreaking… I applaud you ❤️

    — Star Shew-York

  • Sep 10, 2017

    Robyn,

    My daughter was labeled suicide when I know she was murdered. No one would listen. Everyone that knew her knows she was murdered and who did it. We have a very lazy bunch of cops here and it was this time of year September 29. I was woke in the middle of the night by her friend’s brother. I can’t tell you as this story is long. She was just out of the Army. We just got her back finally. I don’t know if I belong on here since I know In my heart she was murdered. I don’t have money to fight anyone. I’m so angry. So sad. I don’t know what you went through but I’m so very sorry. Please know if you need to talk I need to also so please don’t hesitate to call me. I think this needs to be addressed ( suicide ) for all. My daughter left us her son that has aspergers and has always had trouble but now he is older and his friends arnt real friends and I fear for him and all he has been through. He hurts and feels like a looser. I fear he might try to hurt himself. We have had him to so many doctors. He is ok and then he isn’t. I know from the show you are a very dear person and a lot of things can probably “trigger” you like they do me. Hopelessness.

    I will be praying for you and your lost love one. May God bless you with peace.
    Lovingly,
    dee

    — Deidre Pestanio

  • Sep 10, 2017

    Thank you Robyn for sharing your thoughts and allowing us to feel the pain and hopelessness that often is the essence of suicide. I look forward to seeing the item and supporting your project. Hang in there. Ginger

    — Ginger

  • Sep 10, 2017

    THANK YOU! Thank you so much for talking about this! My best friend of 25+ years took her own life June 14, 2016. It is a very hard subject for people to talk about but I try talking about it whenever I can. People need to know that they are not alone in how they feel. They need to know someone is ALWAYS there for them. My life, along with her 2 kids (and numerous others) lives are forever changed because she thought there was no other option for her. I personally think about her daily and miss her terribly! Whatever the piece is that you have designed, I am very interested in buying. I will check back often in hopes I don’t miss it. Also, thank you for releasing this info on 9/10, suicide awareness prevention day.
    Sincerely,
    April Lustfield
    Clinton, OK

    — April Lustfield

  • Sep 10, 2017

    Truer words have never been spoken ,
    The sad truth is that because people dont realise how much they are loved and cared for they see no other option .
    Make the people you love and care for aware of how important to you they are , smile when they talk and make them feel listened too .
    Spend time as a family talking about how its ok to feel unwell , having a dfown day is ok and making someone aware your not feeling 100% will help them to be aware you need extra love until you feel yourself again.

    sending love from the uk x
    emma x

    — Emma Abrahams

  • Sep 10, 2017

    I know how you feel.. My best friend commited suicide…, Im still angry about it.. Ive come to realize, she didnt say anything the day before to me cause she knew i would have tried to stop her.. and she didnt want that… she just buried her mother 6 mths before who died from Breast Cancer and 1 mth later My friend Sandy Was diagnosed with it, she just thought she did’nt have the strength to go through what her mother did… She did’nt realize hers was caught early her mothers wasnt, it might have made a difference.. I would have been there!!!!!!!! Angry But love her still

    — Sandi Meeks

  • Sep 10, 2017

    I feel so unnerved, as i read this. I saw the semi colon and knew exactly what the story would be about. My brother left a suicide note on his desk at work and he knew that if he killed himself, he would not go to heaven, so, as i sit here crying, he committed suicide by cop, that way he would die but still go to heaven, it has been 3 years now and I never am able to grasp what happened.
    Thank you for speaking up on this subject.
    Ralena , Las Vegas, Nevada

    — RALENA OBRYANT

  • Sep 10, 2017
    I’m so sorry for your loss and pain, I have felt that way before the “what if’s” it truly seems like things in this world are getting harder not easier. A friend said to me how great would it be if just for one day the whole world came together and prayed, Can you just imagine the miracles that could happen from that Take care and blessings to you and your family. Candi ?

    — Candice Day

  • Sep 10, 2017

    You have my sympathy for the loss of your special person. Depression for me is like a lace curtain that comes down across my life at time. Think of it like when you look out the window without a curtain and then through a curtain or sheer. It envelopes every facet of your experience. I have learned to live with it through support and some special groups like NAMI.org. One needs to surround yourself with people who understand and don’t judge.

    — Pamela Chabak

  • Sep 10, 2017

    I appreciate this so much, I lost my father to suicide and struggled with the same conflicting emotions, I struggled with my faith, only to later have it bring me closer to God. I have inherited his depression( along with his creativity and humor) I choose everyday to embrace life. Suicide will not claim me, I will not leave my children. Life is worth living;

    — Julie Downey

  • Sep 10, 2017

    Thanks for sharing and caring to get the message out there. I too lost my husband and stepson to suicide. I’ll be waiting to see your new design .

    — Terri Engblom

  • Sep 10, 2017

    At first: i’m german. My english is sometimes horrible, sorry for this.

    My mind worked all the time while reading this, that’s the result:
    It is nobodys fail. They don’t let you see their feelings. You couldn’t do anything different, cause it doesn’t matter to them. They are in a tunnel, they are not able to see – anything – friends, helping hands, love, the sun, positiv things…The tunnel can became a whole.
    And than their is a point, they don’t want any help. THEY DICIDE on their own. Sometimes they write a letter, sometims they don’t.
    And finally, the most important thing: It is nobodys fault and nobody is guilty for “not seeing”, “not helping” or stuff like this.

    I know, because I was in that situation. I survived. today I am very happy about that. In this dark times my brother seen my darkness, so I had all the help I wanted and the best Helper ever. But I decided, on my own, personal desicion. Nobody could change, nobody could do anything, or something different.
    So, to all who lost somebody by suiside:
    it is NOT your fault (even if somebody says something like this, they are wrong), not because your “blindness” or what ever you think.
    It is a very egoism desicion.
    It is deep sadness, but please: remember these guys in good memories too.

    — Tatjana

  • Sep 10, 2017

    I cannot wait to see the piece you created! I agree that suicide has been taboo to talk about but we must let people know they have support!! What better way to do this by supporting #projectsemicolon!! Thanks Robyn:)

    — Kimberly Reoh

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